I'd do anything for air

godloljk:

I love you, Katherine motherfucking Cline.

LAST NIGHT WAS GOOD.

I love you more Rachel motherfucking Katherine Ficke<3

I have baked a cake.
I have driven more than ten minutes without a permit or license.
I have gone out in public naked.
I have laughed until I cried.
I have been in a car accident.
I have kissed someone I just met.
I have ridden in a taxi.
I have played The Sims.
I have played GTA.
I have gotten lost in a mall.
I have thought about killing myself.
I have sworn at my parents in anger.
I have broke something in anger.
I have had sex under the age of sixteen.
I have graduated high school.
I have smoked cigarettes.
I have seen a shooting star.
I have bitten someone.
I have let go of someone and regretted it.
I have kicked a guy in the balls.
I have gotten stitches.
I have played on a playground over the age of twelve.
I have smoked weed.
I have been late to school.
I have missed more then twenty days in a school year.
I have used MySpace for more than three years.
I have done ecstasy.
I have done coke.
I have done meth.
I have been to church in the last five years.
I have bought something at Hollister.
I have bought something from Hot Topic.
I have wanted a BMW.
I have smiled at a stranger.
I have hated a friend’s parents.
I have not given a fuck.
I have cried over the opposite sex more than a week straight.
I have gained weight in the past month.
I have lost weight in the past month.
I have played basketball on a team.
I have played field hockey on a team.
I have played soccer on a team.
I have played softball on a team.
I have had sex with one of my teachers.
I have cursed someone out.
I have punched someone in the face.
I have had space brownies.
I have had no life.
I have been sick of myself.
I have had an abortion.
I have been in love.
I have been in lust.
I have missed someone from my past.
I have kissed a cat or dog.
I have been in a club.
I have been to a rave.
I have beaten myself up.
I have been rejected.
I have cried in school.
I have seen a meteor shower.
I have been drunk.
I have had alcohol before the age of fourteen.
I have played spin the bottle.
I have glued myself to something.
I have had a serious surgery.
I have had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.
I have been stalked.
I have been extremely embarrassed.
I have had sex in a car.
I have had sex behind a building.
I have snuck out of my house.
I have shoplifted.
I have been suspended.
I have gotten detention.
I have taken painkillers.
I have wanted to be a teacher at some point.
I have wanted to be a fireman.
I have been called a slut.
I have been fingered by more than five different people.
I have gone streaking.
I have had sleep overs with the opposite sex.
I have gotten into drugs and drinking and was able to stop.
I have played strip poker.
I have sat on the computer all day.
I have dyed my hair.
I have been mistaken for someone else.
I have babysat someone else’s kids.

It seems like I don’t have time to write down my depressing thoughts anymore. That is not important to me anymore. I live my life, do what I have to do, and get on with it. I don’t feel I need to fill you all in on the broken heart inside my chest.

But I will continue to write :)

going outside for a couple cigarettes

then back inside to drink some more, yay

someone talk to me, damn.

Once upon a time there was Candy and Dan. Things were very hot that year.
All the wax was melting in the trees.
He would climb balconies, climb everywhere, do anything for her, oh Danny boy.
Thousands of birds, the tiniest birds, adorned her hair.
Everything was gold. One night the bed caught fire.
He was handsome and a very good criminal. 
We lived on sunlight and chocolate bars. It was the afternoon of extravagant delight.
Danny the daredevil. Candy went missing.
The days last rays of sunshine cruise like sharks.
I want to try it your way this time.
You came into my life really fast and I liked it. 
We squelched in the mud of our joy. I was wet-thighed with surrender. 
Then there was a gap in things and the whole earth tilted.
This is the business. This, is what we’re after. With you inside me comes the hatch of death.
And perhaps I’ll simply never sleep again.
The monster in the pool.
We are a proper family now with cats and chickens and runner beans.
Everywhere I looked. And sometimes I hate you.
Friday — I didn’t mean that, mother of the blueness. 
Angel of the storm. Remember me in my opaqueness.
You pointed at the sky, that one’s called Sirius or dogstar, but only here on earth.
Fly away sun.
Ha ha fucking ha you are so funny Dan.
A vase of flowers by the bed.
My bare blue knees at dawn.
These ruffled sheets and you are gone and I am going too.
I broke your head on the back of the bed but the baby he died in the morning.
I gave him a name. His name was Thomas. Poor little god. His heart pounds like a voodoo drum.

Danny the daredevil. Candy went missing.

You keep pulling me back for a let down. Everyday I dream of the way things were. Its mind boggling how much things have changed. How every single thing is different from what they used to be. How my days of the week have even been effected by all of this. My thoughts are all a blur and my tears seem to wash up any luck I had for getting through this. My cheeks are drenched with the salty taste of my insides and the repetitive smell makes me feel nauseated. Always trying to escape, even just for a moment; being somewhere else even for a second is better than nothing. Give me those drugs you’re holding, whatever they may be; just get me out of here.

I’m going, I promise. Please don’t miss me. Please don’t miss all the things I did for you, all the things I surrendered for you. The little heart that I had is now crushed. My bones are colliding together and making me feel weak. But I hope that everything you have put me through stops putting you in so much pain. I don’t like seeing you sad. I don’t like watching you feel so upset about the unbearable ache I am going through. I know, I know, I love you too.

Mmm, I hope you realize how sarcastic all of that was.

I’m gone.

I don’t know what to do anymore. no one is up to help me. no one is here to help me. today is the day that i should be out with that one person that i used to be with. that i love more than the world. we should be out celebrating our one fucking year. we should be getting snow cones and ice cream and weed and presents and food and love. we should be together. but instead she will be with her new girlfriend. the new girl she loves. i am no longer apart of her life. i just wish she could realize what i’m feeling right now. shit, someone help me.

I miss fallling asleep wrapped around your arms; so tight that i never feel lost. i never feel like im alone. i miss the arms of the angel that changed my life. i miss singing you to sleep, i miss our long car rides. I miss watching you sleep, watching the drool drip from the corners of your mouth. I miss waking up to see your face and knowing that you love me. Its been one year and im still stuck on the girl that made me sink into the oceans of the world. i cant get over you. i cant get past you. all i think about is you and the memories we created. the tears stream down my face with the quick realization that you’re happy now without me, that you arent here anymore. im starting to realize that when i kiss him its not you, and when i hold him, im not holding you. i need you to fix me. i am so broken. and i need yoiu to help me find myself again.

Smoke flying swiftly through the air. while it slowly takes over my brain; and i’m finally set free. the elaborate colors mix and become one while they swarm me, making me feel numb and on top of the world. as the smoke begins to grow, i feel infinite. as if no one had ever hurt me before. i began to hear a soft melody and its almost as if the noise was advancing throughout my body leaving my ears in a state of an induced trance. sparks began to fly as the sun slowly started to rise, waking everyone from a soundless slumber. i sat there, and in that moment, time stopped. the only moving object in the world was me. the rest of the world sat still like a painted picture. it was the first moment in my life where i couldn’t feel anything, not one thing in this reckless, broken world mattered. i stood up, pushing the stilled smoke out of my way and took my place at the foot of a motionless sunrise. standing there i was in complete awe of the intoxicating beauty that was before my eyes. nothing moved, nothing went forward, time was at a pause and i had never felt more alive. it was almost like a dream. i stood there shocked with the amount of perfection the world held that somehow, i missed. my heart was racing as i looked at the remarkable sky. the sun had merely risen, yet i could still see the stars from the night before. overwhelmed, i sat. i breathed in and out, the cold air rushed through me and all of the sudden i looked up and noticed the smoke begin to wrap over me once again, and the ripples in the water slowly assembled. even though time had began to continue, i still felt this complete delicacy fill my bones. getting lost in the smoke filled sky, i closed my eyes and took a long breath, and i finally felt peace in my intoxicating world.

My lips are still dirty from the night before. The saliva is still washing through my body that tastes of you. I still feel you through my bones. I’m lost in the life I had so long ago. Swimming through the milky way of imaginations and happy things. And I only have one question; Where’s the exit to this amusement park?